I Like to Watch

"Dexter" finally goes too far

Heather Havrilesky — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 12:15:00 PST

I don't think I've ever seen an episode of any show that depressed me more than the "Dexter" finale did Sunday night.

Will "Survivor" mastermind Russell reign supreme?

Heather Havrilesky — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 17:30:00 PST

We all need a strong leader, even if it's just that little voice in our heads telling us that the CIA is tapping our phone. Dictatorships, domestic abuse, religions centered around loving but vengeful patriarchs, the military, yoga retreats, Oprah — all symptoms of our childlike desire to be led around by our noses.

"Top Chef" finale serves up humble pie

Heather Havrilesky — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 05:10:00 PST

Don't let your younger, cockier brother apply to "Top Chef" with you.

"Anarchy," "Glee": As subtle as pulling a knife on a baby

Heather Havrilesky — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 17:01:00 PST

We are not living in the age of subtlety. If you don't pick up a golf club, your husband may not grasp the emotional weight of your request that he stay and hear you out. If you don't create a horrifying national spectacle by dangling your own child's survival enticingly in front of the news cameras, producers may not show much interest in your big idea for a reality TV show, starring you. Without the courage to crash a dinner party thrown by the leaders of the free world, you may never win the public scorn and widespread notoriety that is the American dream.

"Mentalist," "Lie to Me": The truth hurts

Heather Havrilesky — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 18:01:00 PST

No one wants to hear the truth. We all talk a good game about honesty, but really, we don't want to know. We lament how full of shit most people are, but try the truth on for size and see how fast your friends, family and former lovers cringe and scatter.

"Seinfeld" saves "Curb Your Enthusiasm"

Heather Havrilesky — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 05:24:00 PST

Why can't the cast of "Seinfeld" appear on "Curb Your Enthusiasm" every season?

"Sons of Anarchy": Badass or just bad?

Heather Havrilesky — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 18:01:00 PST

James Dean misled us. Rebellion without cause isn't sexy after all. In fact, in hindsight, it just looks like a bunch of impetuous foot-stomping, particularly to those of us who are too busy spot-cleaning stubborn laundry stains and paying our life insurance premiums to make a big show of going against the grain.

Oprah, don't leave us!

Heather Havrilesky — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:21:00 PST

Do you feel helpless and betrayed? Is your breathing rapid and shallow, your pulse racing? Do you feel angry, confused, hurt? Have you felt this way every since you heard that Oprah will be ending her talk show in September of 2011?

"Terror in Mumbai": Spreading fear

Heather Havrilesky — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 06:18:00 PST

"When this is over there will be much more fear in the world." -- Lashkar-e-Taiba operative on the phone to terrorist subordinates during the Mumbai attacks

The honey-baked hams of "Chef Academy"

Heather Havrilesky — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 03:01:00 PST

Jean-Christophe Novelli was born to play himself on TV. An acclaimed chef with restaurants in London, France and South Africa, Novelli has movie-star good looks, a thick French accent, a piercing gaze and a real talent for making cooking students feel intimidated, then adored, then unnerved, then undermined. Reality TV loves good-looking, temperamental, outrageous experts, of course -- particularly the ones whose sociopathic urges seem to kick in every time that little red light on the camera flickers on.

Medical drama smackdown: "Mercy" vs. McDreamy!

Heather Havrilesky — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 18:01:00 PST

The insertion of the word "drama" as a stand-in for emotional confrontation tells us a lot about our psychological state in this self-conscious, unenlightened age. While e-mailing, texting and tweeting are acceptable ways to communicate important feelings and ideas these days, shrugging, proclaiming noncommittally that "it is what it is" and outright avoidance are widely embraced means of signaling our shifting emotional needs. Conversely, by stating your feelings directly to another human being face to face, you risk becoming known as someone who loves "drama," standing in sharp contrast to "sane" individuals who "don't want any drama," i.e., would prefer that, instead of expressing yourself, you'd simply drop off the face of the earth, or at the very least have the common decency to boil your feelings down to 140 characters or less.

"The Prisoner": It's a trap!

Heather Havrilesky — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 16:11:00 PST

Imagine waking up in the middle of a vast desert with no memory of who you are and no idea how you got there. A dazed, bleeding man stumbles up to you, mumbling some words and numbers, and then dies. You wander into a strange town where the houses are colorful and prefabricated. The people seem to know you and refer to you as Number Six.

"Mad Men" finale: What's worth a fight?

Heather Havrilesky — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 02:07:00 PST

It looks like Don Draper might finally grow up after all! Instead of running for the hills at the first sign of trouble as is his habit, Don discovered in Sunday night's third season finale of "Mad Men" that there are some things in his life that he has the conviction to fight for: the survival of Sterling Cooper in some new form. His friendship with Roger Sterling. His professional and personal relationship with Peggy Olson.

Is Dr. Drew's sexual healing bad for you?

Heather Havrilesky — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 17:06:00 PST

I'm an addiction addict. That means I'm addicted to watching other people struggle with their addictions. People say that's not a real addiction, but they don't know how my addiction to addictions has messed up my life! I spend every second of my day, from the minute I wake up in the morning until the time my head hits the pillow at night, obsessing about whether or not "Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew" alum Mary Carey will finally kick alcohol and break out of the porn business. My marriage is falling apart because my husband can't watch another minute of heroin addicts stealing cash out of their grandmother's purses on A&E's "Intervention." And if I urge one more of my co-workers to make a "fearless moral inventory" of themselves in an interoffice e-mail, I'm going to lose my job. I'm destroying my entire life by spending all of my time watching other people destroy their entire lives!

When did "Parks and Recreation" get so funny?

Heather Havrilesky — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 17:04:00 PST

Unlike the big-city cops, doctors and lawyers who crowd their TV screens, most Americans are surrounded by provincial folks who tend to speak about their small-beans pursuits in the most grandiose terms imaginable. NBC's "Parks and Recreation" (8:30 p.m. Thursdays on NBC) captures this hokey flavor of small-town life with renewed vigor in its sophomore season, pairing the low-stakes challenges and low-key love triangles of its Pawnee, Ind., city government officials with a steady flow of smart parody of everything from the second-rung beauty pageant culture to moronic business-speak to Mark Sanford-style sex scandals.

Recessionary rubbernecking, VH1-style

Heather Havrilesky — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 17:04:00 PST

"Willie to me is like a little child. Mature people don’t make those kinds of decisions. When is this guy gonna realize that he's responsible?" -- Financial planner Sarano Kelley on "Eight Is Enough" and "Charles in Charge" star Willie Aames

Aliens invade, disguised as Larry David!

Heather Havrilesky — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 17:30:00 PDT

Aliens are so alienating. They're from planets in galaxies far, far away, for one thing. Most of us don't even like people from Nevada. And they're so smug about having figured out light-speed travel faster than we did. Who wants friends who make you feel bad about yourself all the time? I think poor, lonely George Clooney knows the answer to that one.

In defense of the aging frat boy

Heather Havrilesky — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 17:29:00 PDT

Little-known fact: Frat boys get softer and more lovable as they age. The very traits that make them so odious when they're young -- their masters-of-the-universe overconfidence, their high-fiving, wedgy-giving bluster, their myopic unwillingness to consider other people's feelings -- are replaced by self-doubt and dread in the face of middle age. As cocky dudes and swaggery ass-slappers reach their 40s and 50s, their exaltation in trivia like online poker and fantasy football leagues and who rolled whose ball hairs into a joint back in the day starts to look obstinately coltish instead of flatly uninteresting. Their ogling of hot-bodied younger women feels more understandable as aesthetic appreciation rather than self-deluded horndoggery. Their unrelenting mutual derision -- the "Eat me's" and the "Screw you, butt nuggets" and other faintly homoerotic allusions -- can be greeted as a particularly aggressive flavor of nostalgia, rather than a clear reflection of frustrated homosexual urges.

"Friday Night Lights" embraces the agony of defeat

Heather Havrilesky — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 17:28:00 PDT

"Y'all look like a bunch of dumb-asses out there!"

Arrogance rules the small screen!

Heather Havrilesky — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 17:24:00 PDT

Arrogance is telegenic. Who knows why? Ask Don Draper or Tom Colicchio or Jack Donaghy or Tony Soprano. Ask Oprah or Al Swearengen or Ted Danson or Vic Mackey or Grace Hanadarko or Clay Morrow.